.Paris Je t'aime.

Thank you Jon

8:33 PM

Let me share this beautiful story which my mum shared with me:

The Necklace

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost 5. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh mommy please Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then turned back into the pleading blue eyes of the little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time, you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for 10 cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere; Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.

One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favourite."

"That's ok Honey.. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the storytime, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh daddy, not my pearls... But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's ok. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you."

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here Daddy; this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unneccessary partners, relationships, habits and activites that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing: God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

Not to decide is to decide.

I cried after I read this story. I cried because I realized God has been helping me all along. When I thought that He wasn't going to help me out of this crazy depression, He did. For the past one month or so, I thought that I was lonely; thought that I was being so foolish, so silly for disappointing Adrian. I kept the hurt and the deep regret in me everyday, and even up till yesterday, I still cried over it. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. God took Adrian away from my life, but do you know what He replaced that emptiness with? My friends. The friends who have been with me throughout my entire journey through that depression. I blamed myself because the truth just seemed too true. For awhile I hated myself for making that stupid mistake, and I wondered whether I made the right decision in choosing my friends over Adrian. Last night, Jon convinced me that I'd made the right decision. If it weren't for this incident, I don't think I would have gotten any closer to my friends, considering I can be unfriendly at times. Because of their never-ceasing support and concern, I'm going to do them a favour and let go of this unneccessary hurt. It's going to take awhile, but I believe that Time never fails to heal all wounds. In September, I'm going to try my luck again, to try to win his heart back. I know you might think I'm stupid to want to go back into this kind of relationship. But I'll try to go at a different pace, and see if it works out. If it doesn't.... Just means that I have to get a move on.
My friends, you know who you are. Once again, I want to thank you so very much for having been there for me in my most trying time. You are cherished and you definitely have a place in my heart.
And Jon, thank you sooo very much for the company yesterday. I feel better today, and I can now see the whole situation from another perspective. Perhaps you're right that I shouldn't shoulder the entire blame. There are some ways that I had been a good girlfriend. Somehow. I'm going to have to learn to let go and it's going to take a while but I promise I'm going to do my best =) Merci beaucoup mon ami. You are very appreciated.

World, take this as a testimony of God's marvellous works. Whichever God you believe in and worship, believe that God is always there beside us to help us in times of trouble. You may feel that He is ignoring you, or that a problem takes forever to resolve, but believe me, He is just waiting for the best time to come into our lives to give us the genuine treasure. Our lives are still ours to live, and God respects that, which is why he still gives us the power to make decisions. And of course don't forget the whole gist of this entry: Always believe that God has something better for us in his other hand.

Cheerios
Good luck in your endeavours to be a better person.

j'ai dit à 8:33 PM
link to post
links to this post

Movie-ing

8:33 PM

I've been extremely free this week, so I rented a couple of good movies to snuggle with. The first one here is The Mistress of Spices. Was watching it with Amit.

This movie is amazing! First of all, it's because I like Aishwarya Rai. And secondly, it's interesting to see how spices can be made into a movie. (Amit spent half the movie complaining about how stupid it is to talk to spices....)
Ok, the gist of the story: Tilo (Aishwarya) has the gift to see into other people's past and future. As a child, she grew up under this grandma who teaches her about the use of spices to help people as the Mistress of Spices. When they grow older, they are able to go anywhere in the world, but they have to observe 3 rules: 1) They must never leave their shop. 2) They must never touch another human's skin. 3) They must never use the spices for themselves. If these rules are broken, the Mistress of Spices will have to return home. Basically this movie is about how Tilo overcomes her desire to use the spices for herself.
This movie really is interesting. The way Tilo sounds when she describes how the spices can work wonders for others really sound credible; as if it will really work in real life. I'm not sure about that though. And as with any Bollywood movie, it's very colourful and Indian. Beautiful movie.

Rating: 4/5 cinnamons

The second movie is a movie that I was supposed to watch with Ronald, but because of the late timings, we never did watch it in the end. Click!

This is a hilarious movie. Adam Sandler is a wonderful comedian. Haha.... There were alot of stupid jokes in the movie that had me laughing out loud. This movie is amazing because it is funny, but also very sad at the same time. Later into the movie, I actually felt like crying because Michael Newman (Adam) became such a pathetic and almost heartless person by no fault of his. The story has a twist at the end though. Won't tell you what.

Watching this movie has made me realize the same thing that Michael realized at the end of the movie. Not to fast forward things in life. Well, in layman terms, means not to take things for granted. Michael fast-forwarded almost 20 years of his life and he realized how much he had missed - his children growing up, his father's passing, his wife's leaving..... It makes me wonder too, how much of life have I fast forwarded just to get where I am today. I realized that there are alot of people that I miss. Better send them an email to let them know I missed them!

Rating: 5/5 clicks

j'ai dit à 8:33 PM
link to post
links to this post

Pei Pei's birthday swim

3:43 AM

Happy Birthday Pei Pei! =D

Went out for a swim with her today. Well ok, not exactly a swim. More like stand in the water to chat. But it was still fun! The newly renovated pool there is quite nice really. So is the gym, which is going to be the next place we are going to check out! Ha!
I found out I tan really fast. I mean, I never did tan fast last time. We were there for only about an hour and a half or so, and I was already a tad darker than last time. Whoa! I really like being tan. Feels good.... Haha.... I'm going to promise myself to go for more tanning sessions every week. Heh....

To all the beautiful people out there.
Cheerios
* I LOVE JIU KONG/Chiu Kung*

j'ai dit à 3:43 AM
link to post
links to this post

Sentosa Sentosa!

12:49 AM

OOooooo! I love the beach! Especially when the sun is gloriously shining. That means that I have the chance to get a tan! Yippee!
We are an all-girls team there at Sentosa. Hey, who cares what we look like in our BIKINIs? YEAH!. I felt so free strutting around Sentosa with my new BILLABONG BIKINI with everybody else. I was busy tanning and swimming and laughing and chatting and snacking and looking at hot hunks that I didn't notice a pervert right there in front of us. Like WHAT THE FUCK? Go somewhere else and look.
We took lots of pictures too! But I'm not about to share it with the world. Hehe.... All I can say and tell you is that I had alot of fun, especially laughing with everybody there. Here's one photo that i can share with you though:

Before we set out to Sentosa

There was a particular blond guy that I found quite cute. Haha.... The rest of them were either couples, or too mature for us. Man. Where have all the good guys gone?
You know what I'm happy about? Some said I've got a nice tan. I think so too. But I don't feel dark enough. I'm going to go tanning again =D

So after we bathed and took the bus back to MAINLAND SINGAPORE (take note that Sentosa is an ISLAND), we headed to MacDonald House to have dinner at Long John Silver's. I had a fun time there (actually I was feeling quite sleepy) because I was laughing so hard. Really. Throughout the whole dinner. Honestly I'm glad I finished eating early because I saw the others having a hard time laughing and eating at the same time. Hidayah, I didn't know you can be so blur sometimes. Cute. =) But at least you caught that guy's eye. We celebrated Pei Pei's and Pamela's birthday there at Long John's with a mini birthday cake each.

Hope you pretty girls had a wonderful 19th birthday!

I had a fantastic time with Cucalamamarouge. It was definitely fun, and it was exciting in a way. I had a good time laughing too, and chatting =) Thank you very much.

Sick....

Cheerios

j'ai dit à 12:49 AM
link to post
links to this post

Cucalamonga's Chillout Chalet

11:17 PM

I'm on holiday! And I'm on holiday with Cucalamonga and with our chalet. Ha! Finally!

We checked in on Monday, then went to White Sands for grocery shopping. Our alcohol added up to a jaw-dropping $100 plus bill. Haha.... Took a cab back to COSTA SANDS DOWNTOWN EAST, NOT COSTA SANDS PASIR RIS.

After all of us had our shower, we took to the beds and there I played my first mahjong game. Addictive! Haha.... But 16 rounds? That's crazy. But mahjong with alcohol is a bad combination. You need your head to think for the game and the alcohol is just not helping at all. After our game, we just fell asleep.

So Tuesday morning, I woke up at about 850am, and then together with Peiling, went to Pasir Ris beach for a morning walk to THE PLAYGROUND! I think I missed out on my childhood because when I was there, I was so envious of the playground that children nowadays have. Check it out:

This is my favourite one. While you sit on the wheel, someone spins it around, and you go all the way up, then down. Way cool.

This is a small spiderweb with a slide at the other side. I was freaking out as I climbed. Man, this is one is scary.

Flying fox! Woo! This one is ultra fun, except that I couldn't go all the way to the other end.... Probably too heavy.... Hehe....

After we had our fun, we walked back to Burger King where we had breakfast. Then I got high because I found out I could BUY the SpongeBob toy without the kids' meal! Woo! I bought 3 and it's on display in my room now haha....

We went back to the room to chill and watch TV for awhile first before Pei Pei and I went swimming and sun tanning at the pool. I got a tan!

We got back to the room and prepared for our BBQ. I must applaud Felicia for being our firestarter. She got the charcoal burning well and we could have a wonderful, healthly BBQ. Poor thing's got a muscle ache now. Hope you're feeling better! Take good rest alright? We started our BBQ at about 7pm and we ate (Chicken wings marinated by Felicia, marshmellows, otahs, crabsticks, satays, bread, prawns and honeyed water) away into the night, while attending to other BBQers and the cats.

We cleared up, then bathed and chucked ourselves in front of the TV to watch CSI! A 2 hour special. I'm hooked. We stayed glued to the TV till past 12am. We turned off the TV at about 2am (I think) and was about to go sleep, but someone started talking about life, then I woke up and joined in the conversation. Then everybody stayed awake to chat, and we talked until about 4am. Woo! Finally slept at about 4am plus.

We were supposed to check out at 10am, but we woke up at 1030am. Haha.... So we took our time to change and pack and then we left for brunch at the foodcourt. I was broke so I just had a pancake. haha....

Dear Cucalamonga, I had a fantastic time with you again. The bonding session was fun and now we all know our dirty little secrets. It has also come to a point where we can predict the reaction of the next person, finish off someone's sentence and impersonate someone else. It's amazing. Haha.... I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I didn't regret choosing my friends over a boyfriend. I guess this is something I have to learn when I enter another relationship. Wish me luck!

I think no matter what I do, it's still going to be there somewhere. Sigh. I can't forget about him, and what's worse is that I keep thinking about the good things that he had done for me. Damn.

Cheerios

j'ai dit à 11:17 PM
link to post
links to this post

Break-up

2:47 AM

So, we've come through with the break-up and it's official. We're not together anymore.
I've disappointed him and made him angry and it's my own bloody fault. I'm extremely angry with myself....
I wish for you not to talk to me about this. I have had enough consolation to last me a month. Thank you.
Keep your comments to yourself and don't tell me what an asshole I've been. Don't even give me the "I-told-you-so" look. I don't want to see it. And don't blame him please! Don't judge even before you know both sides of the story.

I'll tell you if I will.

j'ai dit à 2:47 AM
link to post
links to this post

The people I love

7:46 PM

The people who mean alot to me and whom I love very much in my life.

My brothers
The boys in my life. The guys that I can really care about and show my concern for. But of course the one that I love the most is my dearest blood brother.

Dennis, Amit, Jason, Donovan

Brandon

Donovan

My Best Friends
We share good times and bad together; we share our laughs and hurts together; we share our pictures and smiles; we share our friendship.

Ronald

Janice

Adrian
Came into my life when I just turned 18 and struggling with my identity. I know I've disappointed him in every way, and he has every right to stay angry with me. But this has by far been the most fun and the most challenging; had alot of mistakes to learn from. I've decided I want to keep this memory forever.

My son
The cutest and most huggable. Proclaimed him my son and treating him like one too. Love him very much.

My Close Friends
Fast friends but left a deep impression. They are the true friends who would stay by my side in trying times. We share the common interests and everything else. Sticky like glue, but we know our limits. These are the people that I've learnt to treasure, for you will never know when you'll lose something precious.

Cucalamonga

Cho Family Girls

Tracie
Haven't got your picture to put here.... But please know that you are treasured by me =) You've been a fantastic sister to me, and it's really a pity that we do not meet often enough. We should hang out more....

My Special Friends
My pillar of support, hope and assurance. Always there to care and offer a shoulder to lean on. Thank you. I don't know where I'd be without you.

Jonathan

My Cousin
This lady who has reached the big 2 has been my fun shopping and Sentosa companion for as long as I remember. We also share our problems and happiness together. Fun, fun, fun!

Cheryl

I'm sure there are many others that I've missed out in this entry. But rest assured that you're always somewhere in my life (maybe my diary). All this shit times has made me think about things that I've taken for granted. People, I need to let you know that I'm grateful to all of you. I offer you my sincere appreciation and thanks. Merci beaucoup tout le monde.

Cheerios

j'ai dit à 7:46 PM
link to post
links to this post

recap

1:43 AM

MONDAY - 7 August 2006

I'm a lazy crocodile, basking in the sun and waiting for my prey to come.

Time: 10pm plus
I'm fucking depressed. I have to go out. Called Ron. Thinking of watching Nacho Libre. Ron said Yes! Yay! We made arrangements to meet up tomorrow. Can't wait.

TUESDAY - 8 August 2006

Today we submitted our playkit! Woo-hoo! And the few days of hardwork and sleepless nights paid off. Here's a picture of our darling playkit.

Each of us did a small toy for our playkit and we all decorated and designed the packaging ourselves! We must emphasize that we did all the work ourselves. Haha....
Everybody else's work were quite beautiful too. Very fun to play with too. We went around playing with other group's work.... Haha....

I rushed home after school today because I made a date with Ron (Nacho Libre!). It was quite a rush, haha. I reached home about 6pm plus, to discover that my mum cooked! Of all days! I HAD to stay to eat. Both of us were supposed to meet 8pm at Plaza Singapura but at 8pm, both of us were still in Tampines. So I got my dad to pick Ron up and give us a lift to PS. We reached just in time for the movie. But Nacho Libre wasn't showing, and the only seats left for Click was the first row, so we walked over to The Cathay, hoping that there would be better seats. But sadly, all the shows were all after 9pm, and the both of us were meeting other people after our date. So I suggested dinner instead. And Ron said that it would be his treat!
9:15pm. We went to Cafe Cartel (I'm falling in love with this place! Brings back great memories =D) back in PS. Ron had his proper dinner and I had dessert. It has been some time since we last met, and you know how some things are better done when you're really beside the person? That's how I felt. We ate, we chatted, we laughed. I felt like the happiest girl at that point of time, knowing that I have such friends.
10:40pm. It was still early (Nigel is late as usual), so after dinner, we took a walk down to Meridien Shopping arcade. Too bad all the shops were closed. We walked until we were nearly lost, but thank goodness Ron knows the way back! Haha.... Silly me.
11:15pm. We parted at Dhoby Ghaut station. I hate to say goodbye, but I know we'll always meet again. I got the most consoling, the most heart-warming, the 'bestest of friends' hug from him. Janice, now I miss you, haha....
Ron, thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend. Even though we only became closer recently a few years back, I still appreciate your time and concern and support when I needed it. This has been the most challenging platonic relationship I've shared with you. Haha.... Thank you so much once again. Merci beaucoup =)

Mr Good Friend is fashionably late as usual. Supposed to meet at 10:30pm, but pushed back to almost 11:30pm. How to reach in time? We don't even know how to get to the place.... Haha.... First we walked to the bus stop, but I changed my mind and decided to take the train instead. So from Clarke Quay, we tried walking to the place, only to be sabotaged by the security guard who gave us wrong directions >:-( We eventually took a taxi there.
I thought I could club it away. I thought I could drink it away. But seeing him there with someone else made me even worse. I felt like puking even before I stepped into the club. Shit, I don't feel well....
So Nigel and I were happily queuing, talking about life, eavesdropping on other people, watching fights.... Then we found out that we were queuing in the wrong queue. What the fuck?! Haha.... The queue we were in was the grand opening of the new club called cube. And it so happens to be right beside Momo. Sigh. So Nigel and I queued all over again. From the 12am that we were supposed to enter became almost 1:30am.
I wasn't feeling any better. Almost nervous. Is this right? Am I to just forget it all?
We finally entered Momo at 1:30am! And it was fucking crowded. There was hardly enough space to move, let alone dance. I had my first drink for the night. Vodka Sprite. Haha....
I can't take it anymore. I can't breathe. Help me.
Emotions took over. I can't take it anymore. I had to go outside. And unexpectedly, I just broke down. Poor Nigel had a hard time consoling me. But he didn't know.
For once I thought I could make something right in my life, it only became worse. I never felt lousier than when I was there crying a distance away from the club. And he doesn't know. I felt so alone.
I wiped my tears and went back to get my bag from the counter. Was still deciding between staying and drinking, or leaving. Then I got the sms.
Where are you? For awhile, I really thought I had some hope left. But what are the chances? I'm fucking staying.
I went to withdraw more money, and went back into the club for more drinks. I drank some more, tried a shot (hell it was good), then drank some more, and danced (it was the retro hits). Man, why did they play the good songs when we left? Sigh.
We left the club at about 3:30pm and almost half dead. Thought of walking back to Clarke Quay to get a bus back, but my feet was hurting, so we took a cab back instead (burned a hole in my diminishing pocket).
You know what? I didn't feel better at all. I felt worse. Worse because I created these problems myself and went through all that shit by myself. Damn it. And I'm working tomorrow some more.... Sigh....

FRIDAY - 11 August 2006

Today is our Financial Management exam. Haha.... Crammed the formulas the night before. Think I'll barely pass.
Agnes finished our lesson 2 hours early today. Headed out with Cucalamonga to Suntec to celebrate the last day of school. We detoured to Far East Plaza to take a neoprint, then because of my growling stomach, we went to Marina Square for dinner (after deciding among Suntec foodcourt, Marina Square and New York New York). By the time we finished dinner, I didn't have time to accompany them to Suntec anymore because I had to rush to church. So once again I missed the sweets machine =( But it is ok! Only gives me an excuse to go there again. Haha....

My condolences to Stacey, Stephanie, Aunty Debbie, Aunty Janice, Aunty Gail and Kathy on the loss of your grandpa and father.

SATURDAY - 12 August 2006

Happy Birthday Cheryl! My dearest cousin! The big 2 plus a 1 behind. =) Thank you for inviting me to your birthday dinner. Dinner was good, and happy to know that you enjoyed your day out with your friends. Thank you! And Uncle Alex, thank you for inviting us over to your place! Sorry if I had been trouble. Didn't think I would be drinking so much.
It feels terrible, the hangover. I hardly can walk without support, and can't really think properly. My body wasn't cooperating, and I puked a few times over 2 days. Sigh. Drinking really doesn't help you, well, me in this case, in ANY way. Girls shouldn't try it, unless you're certain that there's someone around to look after you and bring you home safe and sound. Not only will your body feel terrible because of the hangover, you will also feel fucked up. I didn't feel one bit better. Problems still come, and life still continues. I must say (and warn you!) that getting drunk sucks big time. I'm not about to try it again any time soon.

SUNDAY - 13 August 2006

Half-dead.

MONDAY - 14 August 2006

Hang out with Cucalamonga again. To check our notes and see what we're missing. I'm quite a neat person, so I got most of my notes in order. I'm proud to announce that I've got everything written down and am ready for the exams except that I don't have the textbooks. Sigh.
Anyway, I went shopping after I studied at BK Downtown. I seriously didn't remember that Tampines Mall had a surf shop that sold Billabong bikinis! I had a good time choosing it. Haha.... I saw a nice brown one, but the last piece was a size 10. There's no way I'm going to fit into that. I chose another brown one instead. The last piece too, but a size 8! I'm elated! Haha. Bought it for $59.90. Almost my 2 weeks pay. Haha.... Got a scolding from my mum. She told me that she had some more Takashimaya vouchers. Sigh. What to do? Sentosa, here I come!

Hope you all had fun reading my blog! Sorry I didn't update regularly. Been extremely busy and wasn't feeling the best of all times. Anyway,

Cheerios!

j'ai dit à 1:43 AM
link to post
links to this post

Night of destress

7:00 PM

Dearest Michelle, I love you so very much! Thank you so much for showing me beautiful open area that the Esplanade has. I had a great time yesterday, and hope that you did too. Do know too that you'll always have our support, care and concern, and I'll (and everybody else too) will be there for you, just like you were there for me when I was down. Give me a big smile ok? Love ya!

The Esplanade really is a beautiful place at night. Too bad it's filled with couples, otherwise that place would have a great place for a group like Cucalamonga to hang out to chat and DESTRESS! Woo-hoo! I felt so free yesterday that for awhile I actually forgot about him. I still don't know what's happening, and I've yet to know the outcome of it too. Sigh.
I want to go to the Esplanade again soon, and I'm sure Cucalamonga will definitely plan something there again haha....

Cheerios

j'ai dit à 7:00 PM
link to post
links to this post

Luxurious Living

8:56 AM

My wish list: What I'm going to do with the money I earn in the long run

1) Get my hair trimmed and dyed professionally (by the hols)
2) Get a new bikini (hopefully Billabong)
3) Get a navel stud (how cool is that?)
4) Revamp my room for Christmas with new furniture from Ikea
5) Get a tattoo (no comments on this one)
6) Get a driver's licence (by next February)
7) Go on a holiday (I need a break)

I'm insane. Sigh.

Cheerios
Not so cheery now....

j'ai dit à 8:56 AM
link to post
links to this post